You are not ALONE !!

My good friend of around 5 years died by suicide, you guys would be asking how can he be a close friend if you knew him for only 5 years but I feel it’s not how long you know someone that matters, it’s how well you know someone that matters (but I guess I didn’t know him that well ☹). Now onto the topic, I hope you noticed I didn’t say “committed suicide.” The guy I knew would never have “committed suicide,” left behind his mother and younger brother and a life full of promise and opportunity. It’s taboo to say your brain, another organ in your body which is susceptible to disease or illness, is sick.

My friend was the “victim” of a suicide. Maybe that explains it better. He was a victim of a mind that turned against him. He was a victim of a system that couldn’t help him and that included me.

He was absolutely brilliant, even when I had met him at the young age of 18 or so. Standing tall and proud, he was an unmistakable presence. Now it seems to me that His outer shell was witty and tough, but his inner shell was vulnerable and insecure. I remember him ranting about things that happen to him, him loosing purpose of life and at the same time he would joke about life, criticize politics and light the place up with his wits.

As life would have it, we parted ways. I to one part of India and he too to another. Gradually our communication was limited to occasional Facebook comments and likes for the last year and calls and texts which were rare. Had he reached out, even a little, I would have run to his side. I really would have. he never called, messaged or even texted me though but then I could have reciprocated the same. I feel I failed as a friend.

I’m mad at myself for becoming complacent. I’m mad I didn’t realize suicide was an end result, even after knowing he was battling the demons residing in him. Had he texted, I would have told him one small phrase “You are not alone!!! “

At any rate, I would have said, “You matter. You matter to me and I know things suck right now, but they will get better. Let me help you. I will help you. You don’t need to live this way.”

I can’t stop imagining what would have happened if I had called him more often If I kept in touch with him often. It could have been different. This is to let people know that take time of your shit schedule for people you know. Let them know you care for them and they are not alone and more importantly keep tabs on them. So, I just want all of you to know. I care, I care about your wellbeing, I care to know what’s happening and I want you to know You are not alone, you matter to me.!! Call me, ping me, text me, whenever you need someone to talk to, whenever you feel alone. Because you matter to me.

I would like to remember you as the tough fun loving guy I once knew and that is going to be etched in my memory for life. So, I am opening myself up to anyone who need a pair of ears, anyone who need someone to talk to. I am doing this so that I don’t loose anyone else due to this or anyone else loose their loved ones. I owe him this much at the least. I may not be a professional counsellor or therapist but then this what I can think of now and this is all I know how to be of any help. So, you are not alone.

When would you know that your life has changed ?

when the most called number is no longer a contact.
when you wake up to the alarm and not your mom's call.
when what's for breakfast is the least of your worries.
when the first letter typed n your browser is not F.
when you say "Lets stay at home" instead of saying "let's go out"
when "let's meet and plan" changes to "let's plan and meet"
when a smile comes on your face while passing by your school/college.
when you start looking for ways to save money rather than having a life.
when going home matters more than taking a vacation.

that's when you know your life has changed.

Values !

There I was Midnight, on the bridge thinking about how far I have come, wondering  how far I have to go. Standing there wondering with the wind brushing through my hair, the sky pitch black like my mind. Shuffling through the music in my phone that gave me company in my solitude. I found her- my teacher, my mentor, my role model. The one who inspired me, the one who encouraged me to dream bigger, the one who made me who I am now. The one who was instrumental  in my growth and made sure that I always took the right path.  Tears rolled down my eyes as I had no clue what is happening with her or how she was doing. The job had left me with very little time to find her or was it me who did not give a fraction of my time to find her. At that moment in my chain of thoughts, It occurred again how far have I come and how far I  should go. All I am now was possible only because of her. As I browsed through my gallery I found pictures which were lost in madness and craziness, notes which were hidden in my race for glory and fame and contacts which were filed with unknown names. At that point I understood, I have failed to understand where I have come from and who made me what I am. At the stroke of midnight, standing there with a mobile in my hand and tears rolling down my eyes, I fought my conscious making right of all the wrongs I have done. I blamed each and every thing for turning me into something I am not but in fact it was just me. I chose to be this. In my race for this glory,fame and money. I never realised I lost all my values, my  ethics and my principles and in short I lost me. Everything she taught me, every bit of human being that she wanted me to be. Every bit of love that she infused in me… all gone. When I look back all I could think of are the stress, frustrations, deadlines, reports, shouting, and the backstabbing’s. I chose this over the values instilled in me. My guilt destroyed me. I became something that I never was, I lost my smile, my friends,my love,my passion, people who made me who I am , I lost everything and for what - to prove to everyone that I am someone I am not. My thoughts went back to my roots - the place I started, the person who made me believe that I am stronger than my problems and the one who told me to never change for the sake of change. Maybe I did not find time to call her cause I did not want her to know who I have become or what I have become. I decided at that moment, I should not let her belief in me - die in vain. With my hands trembling greater than the old rickety bridge I am on and with a mind pitch dark as the sky and the courage that came to me like a guardian angel from nowhere. I dialled the ten digits – the ten digits that kept me from reaching to her all this while. I could not understand which was louder my heartbeat or the telephone ring. The phone was ringing……

PS: Could not think about any other title :P

Message for my better half

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... There is something you should always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think but the most important thing is, even if we're apart...i"ll always be with you.

-Vj

Loneliness

There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

PC: Google images

We might have lost the battle but we will win the war! November we are coming.

via Instagram http://ift.tt/2pqq3SR

A Good Heart

Here is the thing about people with good hearts.

They give you excuses when you don't explain yourself. They accept apologies you don't give.They see the best in you when you don't need them to. At your worst they lift you up, even if it means putting their priorities aside. The word 'busy' does not exist in their dictionary. They make time, even when you don't. And you wonder why they are the most sensitive people.You wonder why they are the most caring people. You wonder why they give so much of themselves with no expectation in return. You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well being. It is because they don't make you work hard for the attention they give you. They accept the love they think they have earned and you accepted the love you are entitled to.

Let me tell you something. Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you. Our skies dont become grey out of nowhere. Our sunshine doesnot allow darkenss to take over for no reason.A heart does not turn cold unless treated cold for a while.